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the self​-​dyssimilar

by dKOTA

/
1.
xanthous 03:46
xanthous [12_19_10] another room lets go of its light another child holds on scared of the night dreams through fragile eyes broken like shattered glass another room holds onto the night another child lets go of setting things right innocent and alone ghosts are the ones that know so sweet among the walls of fear home to a heart that bleeds deaf to all the noise outside blind to all the pain in sides form shapes to lock up damaged souls with the color of light darkness won’t let go
2.
a shivvver too deep [11_01_06] here comes that feeling again i know it all too well i’ve been there before like cutting glass-made silhouettes with your teeth the empty body here that used to be me and i bleed a burgundy wine another glass and you’ll be feeling just fine a long black hallway where i whisper to death she whispers gently and then sends me to rest i’m sleeping soundly in this heaven or hell they’re each so lonely i don’t think i can tell and yet you want me inside to be my lovely arctic shine your love is ice to melt my shivers away a breath of moonlight to brighten my day i fracture deeply into you bleeding wine the taste of your love the color of a weeping sun your love is ice to melt my shivers away like cutting glass-made silhouettes with your teeth the empty body here that used to me stars are painted up above you and i like fallen angels decorating the sky
3.
in her silver dress (free) 04:38
in her silver dress [06_17_10] we can sail away lift our arms into the night with your crescent eye lazy like the distant morning light so speak to me from the shallow of your breath whisper dreams while you dance in your silver dress steady like a prayer frozen in time behind scared eyes frozen and alone your silhouette carves out the night sky so speak to me from the shallow of your breath while you dance with my dreams in your silver dress so take me away and show me where the stars fall to the ground my wishes scattered around like loose change i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night so dark except for you we can drift away push ourselves off from the nearest star constellation lines drawn in our wake from afar so speak to me from the shallow of your breath while i slip between you and your silver dress oh, dear i’m so cold pick me up and take me in your beauty warms me deep within my soul i’m alive i’m alive
4.
beauty when she cries [08_27_10] she’s beauty when she cries like a rainstorm in july to wash away the fire of a hurtful day i just can’t deny those looks within her eyes when she’s put herself out there on the line i just want to be the one that she can see when the world has left her blinded in the dark and even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes her sunshine tears make me try again she’s beauty when she cries like the sun’s lonely goodnight to lead the way for the hopes of another day i just can’t deny that love within her eyes when she shows up with no words left to say so i just want to see the one that she can be when the world has left her blinded in the dark and even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes her sunshine tears make me try again she makes me want to try again don’t let her down don’t let her down don’t let her down again she’s beauty when she cries like an angel’s broken sigh too light to fall and ever hit the ground i just can’t deny that heaven in her eyes when the clouds open to make it seem all right it’s beauty when she starts to smile
5.
if i could be (free) 06:09
if i could be [09_22_07] just another night all alone silent is the only mode on my phone i guess that’s alright sirens singing me lullabies when the city streets laugh they sound like cries i guess that’s alright if i could be what you need tell me please and i’ll try to succeed that i can believe that i can make you smile, and laugh, and sing and want to lie with me now i won’t touch you i’ll just look at you and dream just another night to lie in my bed to dream about all those things that you said i guess i’m alright chords to play without a melody but would you even listen if i could sing? i guess i’m not alright if i could be what you need tell me please and i’ll try to believe that i can succeed to make you smile, and laugh, and sing and want to lie here and be with me now i won’t touch you i’ll just look your way and dream if i could lie to you to get you to side with me believe in us and in me just tonight i’d take you home and sing to you and be the song you never knew if i could be yours for just tonight i’d be fine
6.
will you? (free) 04:14
will you? [08_27_10] will you love me as i am? take me here and now and show me what it means to share? this time alone with you to fill this empty room and dream away the day for the night i’m sorry that I’m scared but i’m still wounded from love will you let me sing a song? and let me be the one? i don’t want to die here all alone i know i’m a little strange a ghost to all the rest but i hope that you can love me all the same because i’m not a afraid to love just afraid to lose but i know i’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you so i’m sorry that i’m scared but i’m still wounded from love will you love me as i am? and take me by my hand? will you? because I’m not afraid to love just afraid to lose but I know I’ll lose your love if I don’t risk it all for you so will you take me here and now? though I’m different from the rest but I hope that you can love me for it and help me be my best for that I’ll love you as you are and help you be your best i will... will you?
7.
saved 04:14
saved [11_10_09] it’s been too long since I tried it’s been so long since I felt alive side by side under the moon above night lights sing to me and you it’s your cue to run somewhere and hide a swallowed key locks scars of disbelief while i carve my silhouette into fake photographs bleeding out yesterday so do i let you sink down to the bottom to find for yourself that it’s rotten how many times do i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep asleep but so sweet i promise i won’t let you down if you promise to try and stick around but i think there’s just one thing that you should know that you can save yourself but still lose your soul so say goodnight, sweet child so i can cry all alone just turn around and walk away towards that fake tomorrow light it’s as real as today so do i let you sink down to the bottom to find for yourself that it’s rotten how many times do i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep asleep but too deep to wake dear child
8.
no weather for the tired [05_01_10] would you like to sing another song for me dear? ‘cause i can’t hear my own voice it’s drowned out by every prayer to the one that answers only with noise so all i can do is wait around for the rain and pray that it can wash away pain ‘cause all i can see are the fields of yesterday’s refrain would you like to stay another night with me dear? ‘cause i’ve got no one but the moon her sole watchful eye paints the valleys below with the dust of every hope for the muse so all i can do is lie around in thirsty shame and sip away minutes to daze and all i can see are the sins upon the walls trap souls in an impossible maze yet i don’t want to be the one to write down how it ends this ink ain’t that heavy with blood so i’ll ride another night through the storm of my shame for you yet i’d rather die alone with my pen to forge the plan than to live my life by someone else’s hand so please bring the rain if that’s the weather that it takes to carve pride onto my grave would you like to sing another song for me dear? because I can’t hear my own voice
9.
a cold kiss goodnight [05_18_09] maybe it’s time for me to head on my way because the way you look at me is more than i can say but i’m not here to tell you where you think i am i’m just here to leave and i’ll tell you again... that i’ll walk all over you i’ll walk all over you maybe tonight you think that i’ll be the one but baby tonight i’m alone and that’s the way that i want this song you may be the love the set things on fire because the way you kiss my lips oh, sweet desire but your love’s not a note that this song can sing i’m just warning you and i want you to see... that i’ll walk all over you and i’ll walk all over you maybe tonight you think that the war is won but baby tonight you’ve lost and you’ll see it with the sun, alright please let me go because a cold kiss hello is how i say goodnight baby, i’m not the one so sleep well, my dear and dream it up again
10.
alone, as we are [10_21_11] the time is never right the time is never right to let things go let things go and give up the fight there is no right or wrong no one cares how you live until you die we can never own we can never own anything we believe until we’d had to risk it all to survive it’s the tears we cry to feel alive so why do we cry when we die? we are all alone we are all alone to fight ourselves to find ourselves in the night daylight brings shadows hope just lifts us up to let us down so why do i try to feel alive? moments pass along breathing clouds and the rain singing songs in the pain to show us what we’ve gained we can never know we can never know what we can’t control what we control is what we believe to survive
11.
the sudden clamor of silence [08_26_11] where will i run where will i hide when it’s time to look inside where is the love where is the light without fear of what is right when everything is all wrong it’s so quiet outside i hear everything where will i fall where will i land without ground from which to stand when everything is all air it’s so quiet outside so loud from torn insides where will i fall when i run into the silence of all that i’ve loved and lost it’s a pretty violence of everything everywhere all i fear and all i hear it’s too much inside to let it out let it out

about

***download includes audio, digital lyric book, picture book, and smartphone & computer wallpaper_

credits

released April 27, 2012

dKOTA is dustin johnsen, calon russell, matthew neff,
kalon pilmanis, and mary burger //
acoustic and electric guitars, keys, and vocals << dustin johnsen /
bass guitar << calon russell /
lead electric guitars << matthew neff /
drums << kalon pilmanis /
cello << mary burger_

songs and lyrics << dustin johnsen /
except ‘in her silver dress’ << dustin johnsen and matthew neff_

cello arrangements for ‘a shivvver too deep’ and ‘will you?’ << dustin johnsen /
cello arrangement for ‘alone, as we are’ << mary burger and dustin johnsen_

production << nalin silva and dustin johnsen
engineering and mixing << nalin silva at revolver studios / portland, oregon / january > april 2012 //
mastering << mike nolte at eureka mastering / april 2012 / kansas city, ks //
album design, artwork, photos, videos, and editing << dustin johnsen //
additional live performance photography and videography << amy rollo / as well as katie moksnes and jesse lee_

copyright dKOTA // Dustin Johnsen Publishing 2012 // ASCAP

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dKOTA Portland, Oregon

dKOTA explores expansiveness, dynamics, unexpected progressions, and heartfelt lyrical expression. The project is lead by songwriter and vocalist, Dustin Johnsen. Dustin’s songwriting layers an amalgam of sonic textures, dissonance and resolve, and intentional rough edges. ... more

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