live with coffee and wine in an apartment_ [free download]

by dKOTA

supported by
/
1.
2.
3.
4.
03:33
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
02:58
11.
12.
04:59
13.
14.
04:35
15.
04:25
16.
17.
18.
04:29
19.
20.
21.

about

the album is a FREE download when you click the first "Buy Now" above / you're welcome to kick any change towards the project if you're so inclined - from the sound of it, i could use some new strings...

////

this project was recorded live in my apartment kitchen over the rainy winter months in Portland, Oregon, 2016 // its low-fi approach was intended to capture the raw intimacy of the songs and performance, thereby embracing the imperfections that are increasingly deleted in modern music / i played whatever songs i felt like playing at the moment, and included both old and new material // there were no rehearsals and no overdubs, and the production was kept to a minimum (which, for better or worse, at times included squeaking chairs, traffic, a stray note, or a lazily-tuned guitar) / and so, naturally, there are mistakes on these recordings / but i don't relate to straight lines and polished surfaces -- that's not an existential reality / rather, this project was about connecting with the listener on the uneven, imperfect planes that outline both the ugliness and the beauty we experience / this is where i feel we find happiness: in the risk to embrace imperfection / i can only hope i succeeded in such communication / if at the very least, i had a wonderful experience trying_

you can find more info at dkotamusic.com, as well as some videos from these sessions_

enjoy and thank you for listening!

*lyrics are found on the individual track pages_

credits

released April 7, 2016

credits >> recorded and produced by Dustin Johnsen using the premier professional equipment of a $99 direct-to-USB condenser microphone, the iPhone voice memo app, and Apple's bundled Garageband software // the wine was often natural and delicious, and the coffee, while also natural and delicious, was often locally-roasted and hot / the random self-speaking was spontaneous and often ridiculous_

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

dKOTA Portland, Oregon

dKOTA is music from Portland, Oregon that explores expansiveness, dynamics, unexpected progressions, and heartfelt lyrical expression. The project is lead by songwriter and vocalist, Dustin Johnsen. Dustin’s songwriting utilizes American roots music as a foundation to layer an amalgam of sonic textures, dissonance and resolve, and intentional rough edges. ... more

contact / help

Contact dKOTA

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: [argument with my foot concerning David Rawlings]
"sitting on my foot is weird"
Track Name: heaven from here
heaven from here
[08_15_ 2015]

tonight
this lovely night
everything is just right here
except your eyes to make it bright
do you miss my jokes?
like i miss your hopes
in every smile that you gave

but i cannot swim in the sea of your change
and your storm of fear that blows in my past rains
so when you’re all strong
and your winds are calm
will you love again to wipe your tears?
because I can see heaven from here

right?
or was i wrong?
to end it all now?
With a hopeful wish in a hopeless song
i’m sorry, dear
i didn’t try for tears, no
but i’ve got them too
just like you

so don’t look back now
or regret a single thing
you’re love for me made my frail heart sing
and when you’re all strong
and your winds are all calm
will you love again to wipe your tears?
because i can see heaven from here

i’ll head on my way
where the nights last all day
and the moon arrives to fill my glass of wine again
there’s nothing to say
when i know you’re okay
and that you’ll shine to make the world a better place

turn darkness to light
with love on your side
you’re beautiful now
no matter who let’s you go
Track Name: something from nothing
something from nothing
[july 2015]

save a little place left in your heart to feel something
learn to let it go and watch it all fade away
just because it’s gone doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something
the devil never steals from a poor lie anyway
there’s not a lot of blood left in a heart that feels nothing
there’s not enough time to worry anyway
the sorrow and the pain conspire to make you run from
the love that’s left that’ll make you stay

stitches up and down to keep what’s found
and a promise that it’ll be alright
and you have a say in what you want to take away
a glimmer in your eye
it’s pure gold
for fools to melt a love that’s never sold for change
or given away

save a little place left in your heart to feel something
for a little love that’s left
to make you stay
Track Name: snowcastles
snowcastles
[11_30_13]

so maybe you can walk me home tonight
i’m a little cold now and i can’t put up a fight
because i know you’re the one
to be here by my side
when nobody is around
to show me how to move along and smile

because i know that you’re the one for me
when you sing a song among the rain and breeze

oh, nobody can compare
to the light in your eyes
it’s the fire in your stare
to melt my heart into your lullabies

i know that i can find my way home to start again
so long as you take my hand and help me sing along

so baby will you walk me home tonight
i’m a little cold now and i can’t put up a fight
because i know you’re the one
to be here by my side
when nobody is around
to show me how to move along and smile
Track Name: big [for Avery]
Big [for Avery]
[08_02_08]

When you want to be big like me
and strong like you think i am
i’ll be the one to show you how to use all your love
and lift up the world with one hand

because i know
you’ll show me one day that you’re bigger than i’ll ever be
and i know
you’ll show the world why it’s got to believe

and i know
the mountains and the sky will give you everything you need
...because you’re a star

when i’m not big like you or strong like i think i am
will you be the one i need to remind me how to use all my love somehow

because i know
i’ll need a little help from your hands when i’ve fallen down
and i know
you’ll show me someday that i’ve got to believe
Track Name: beauty when she cries
beauty when she cries
[08_27_10]

she’s beauty when she cries
like a rainstorm in july
to wash away the fire of a hurtful day
i just can’t deny those looks within her eyes
when she’s put herself out there on the line

so i just want to be the one that she can see
when the world has left her blinded in the dark
even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes
her sunshine tears make me try again

she’s beauty when she cries
like the sun’s lonely goodnight
to lead the way for the hopes of another day
i just can’t deny the love within her eyes
when she shows up with no words left to say

so i just want to be the one that she can see
when the world has left her blinded in the dark
even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes
her sunshine tears make me try again
she makes me want to try again
oh, don’t let her down

she’s beauty when she cries
like an angel’s broken sigh
too light to fall and ever hit the ground
i just can’t deny that heaven in her eyes
when the clouds open to make it seems all right
it’s beauty when she starts to smile
Track Name: in her silver dress
in her silver dress
[06_17_10]

we can sail away
lift our arms into the night
with your crescent eye
lazy like the distant morning light

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
whisper dreams while you dance in your silver dress

steady like a prayer
frozen in time behind scared eyes
frozen and alone
your silhouette carves the night sky

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
while you dance with my dreams in your silver dress

so take me away
and show me where the stars fall to the ground
my wishes scattered around like loose change
i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night
so dark
except for you

we can drift away
push off from the nearest star
constellation lines
drawn in our wake from afar

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
while i slip between you and your silver dress

so take me away
and show where the stars fall to the ground
my wishes scattered around like loose change
i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night
so dark
yet so bright

oh, dear
i’m so cold
please pick me up and take me in
your beauty warms deep within
my soul
i’m alive
Track Name: alone, as we are
alone, as we are
[2012]

the time is never right
the time is never right to let things go
let things go and give up the fight
there is no wrong or right
no one cares how you live until you die

we can never own
we can never own anything we believe
what we believe until we’ve had to risk it all to survive
it’s the tears we cry to feel alive

so then why do we cry when we die?

we are all alone
we are all alone to fight ourselves
find ourselves in the night where we hide
daylight brings shadows
hope just lifts us up to let us down

so why do i cry to feel alive?

moments pass along
breathing clouds and the rain
singing songs in the pain
to show us what we’ve gained

we can never know
we can never know what we can’t control
what we control is what we believe to survive
Track Name: no weather for the tired
no weather for the tired
[05_01_10]

would you like to sing another song for me dear
because I can’t hear my own voice
it’s drowned out by every prayer to the one that only answers with noise
so all I can do is wait around for the rain
and pray that it can wash away pain
‘cause all i can see are the fields of yesterday’s refrain

would you like to stay another night with me dear
‘cause i’ve got no one but the moon
her sole watchful eye paints the valleys below
with the dust of every hope for the muse

so all i can do is lie around in thirsty shame
and sip away minutes to daze
‘cause all I can see are the sins upon the walls
trap souls in an impossible maze

yet i don’t want to be the one to write down how it ends
this ink ain’t that heavy with blood
i’ll ride another night through the storm of my shame
for you

yet i’d rather die alone with my pen to forge the plan
than to live by someone else’s hand
so please bring the rain if that’s the weather that it takes
to carve pride onto my grave

would you like to sing another song for me dear
because i can’t hear my own voice
Track Name: xanthous
xanthous
[12_19_10]

another room lets go of its light
another child holds on, scared of the night
oh, dreams through fragile eyes
broken like shattered glass

another room holds onto the night
another child lets go of setting things right
oh, all innocent and alone
ghosts are the ones that know

so sweet among the walls of fear
oh, home to a heart that bleeds
deaf to the noise outside
blind to all the pain in sides
form shapes to lock up damaged souls
with the color of light darkness won’t let go
Track Name: if i could be
if i could be
[09_22_07]

just another night all alone
silent is the only mode on my phone
i guess that’s alright
sirens singing me lullabies
when the city streets laugh it sounds like cries
i guess that’s alright

if i could be what you need
tell please and i’ll try to succeed
and try to believe
that i can make you smile, and laugh, and sing, and want to lie with me now
i won’t touch
i’ll look at you and dream

just another night to lie in my bed
to dream about all those things that you said
i guess i’m alright
chords to play without a melody
but would you even listen if i could sing?
i guess i’m not alright

if i could be what you need
tell me please and i’ll try to believe
that i can succeed
to make you smile, and laugh, and sing, and want to lie here and be with me now
i won’t touch you
i’ll just look at you and dream

if i could lie to you
to get you to side with me
believe in us and in me just tonight
i’ll take you home and sing to you
and be the song you never knew
if i could be yours for just tonight
i’d be fine
i’d be fine
Track Name: mystery land
mystery land
[autumn 2011]

one day when i’m gone
the ghosts will sing my haunted song
to every soft and whispered lullaby

the time it is so near
the answers in mist so clear
it washes every tear with acrid smiles

so when i let it go
tonight with the moon so low
sunrise may never come
in this dark and haunted mystery land
where love is forever gone & cold

so carry on like you do
your happiness and love so true
to every lie that sings in harmony

i’ll fade away like you want
a shadow only left to haunt
to sing alone to dreams that never come

so when i let it go
tonight with the moon so low
sunrise may never come
in this dark and haunted mystery land
where love is forever gone & cold

one day as a child
we learn to dream and chase desires
such innocence so easy to beguile

too down and tired to let it go
too alone and scared to let you know
too beaten down to every show
how hard i tried to find the light
so dark and so right
Track Name: the sudden clamor of silence
the sudden clamor of silence
[08_26_11]

where will i run?
where will i hide
when it’s time to look inside

where is the love?
where is the light
without fear of what is right
when everything is wrong

it’s so quiet outside
i hear everything

where will i fall?
where will i land
without ground from which to stand
when everything is all air

it’s so quiet outside
so loud from torn insides

where will I fall when i run into the silence
of all that I’ve loved and lost
it’s a pretty violence
of everything
everywhere
all i fear
and all i hear
it’s too much inside
to let it out
Track Name: saved
Saved
[11_10_09]

it’s been too long since i tried
it’s been so long since i felt alive
side by side under the moon
over night lights
sing to me and you
it’s your cue to run somewhere and hide
a swallowed key locks scars of disbelief
while i carve my silhouette into fake photographs
bleeding out yesterday

so do i let you sink down to the bottom
and let you find for yourself that it’s rotten
oh, how many times can i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep
asleep, so sweet

i promise i won’t let you down
if you promise to try and stick around
but i think there’s one thing that you should know
that you can save yourself but still lose your soul
so say goodnight, sweet child
so i can cry all alone
just turn around and run away towards that fake tomorrow light
it’s as real and dim as today

so do i let you sink down to the bottom
and let you find for yourself that it’s rotten
oh, how many times can i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep
asleep, too deep to wake
dear child
Track Name: for a friend
for a friend
[04_27_08]

just say that you love me even if you don’t
so i can cry on your shoulder any time that i want
and lie down next to your side to hear you breathe
just pull me into you

just let me say that i love you because i do
i don’t cry or feel lonely when i’m lying next to you
you smile but then walk away when i wish you would stay
you kiss me but then you leave

i’ll give you all that i have right now
if you give me all of your love somehow
but i know that you can’t give to me what you don’t have
and so i’ll cry alone tonight

just say that you love me even if you don’t
Track Name: the sorrow side of sundown
the sorrow side of sundown
[04_17_2013]

so maybe when the sky turns to red
the sorrow of the souls helps the dead sing
awakened by the sound of shooting stars
forgotten in the dust of racing cars alone
the hours hang above like stones they’re silhouettes of broken bones melodies falling one by one

the neighbor up above sends his rain
a savior in a suit and bloody tie
a favor from the fading crimson sky
a runaway child from a broken home of father’s pain
the minutes swam around like bees stinging hearts
collapsing knees sending prayers to the fading crimson sun

cleaver tears knock pinholes in the sky
as colors drown stones fall with a sigh
time and space forever race
equations come undone
that’s the rhyme no one can outrun
Track Name: our analog technology
our analog technology
[01_21_14]

another reason to let go of all that’s lost
another mystery
another history fades into the sea
to sing alone

another sunken ship of dreams to dock the shore
another field of mines
another broken rhyme we never need to learn
to sing again

oh, when am I the one?
when am i the one to reach out?
when am i the one to save the night?

forever lost and found three stones out from the sun
forever analog
forever blinding fog among these corporal seas of flesh and bone

our mother programs every step we take ashore
forever digital
our father sells the code of chance to lucky souls
oh, let’s roll the dice

when are we the ones?
when are we the ones to break out?
when are we the ones to face the fight?
when are we the ones to risk what’s right?
Track Name: will you?
will you?
[08_27_10]

will you love me as i am?
and take me here and now?
and show me what it means to share
this time alone with you
to fill this empty room
and dream away the day for the night

i’m sorry that i’m scared
but i’m still wounded from love

will you let me sing a song?
and let me be the one?
i don’t want to die here all alone
i know I’m a little strange
a ghost to all the rest
but i hope you can love me all the same

because i’m not a afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but I know I’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you
so i’m sorry that i’m scared
but i’m still wounded from love

will you love me as i am?
and take me by my hand?
will you?

because I’m not afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but i know i’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you
so will you take me here and now?
though I’m different from the rest
but i hope that you can love me for it
and help me be my best
for that i’ll love you as you are
and help you be your best
i will...
will you?
Track Name: the dark matter
the dark matter
[04.28.15]

believe in yourself now
breathe in and out like they ask
because you’re not happy anymore
or crying anymore
you’re just numb
to the sun
forever burned

try to do your best now
bleed it all out like they want
because you’re not like them anymore
or frightened anymore
you’re just fine
no longer mine
forever blind

believe in what they show you every time

breathe like they do
forget all that you knew
it was never true
so trust in what they say
they’ll feed you smiles so long as you stay
they’ll live to let you die

believe in yourself now
Track Name: the dark energy
the dark energy
09_02_2015]

sometimes i don’t know why i try to love again
what starts in lovely bloom just withers in the end
i wish that i could purge this faulty flesh human flesh inside
a heart that beats alone is emotional genocide

so let it go
all that i have tried
there’s no hope
that i can survive
without a love
to hold by my side
it’s okay to let the stars have their way

always the one to choose the lonely path ahead
never the one to show for what was never said
this harbinger of self loathing in disguise
an antidote for love
manipulated to deprive everyone that’s let me walk inside
oh, how could i
be so terrified
of a love
to hold by my side

it’s okay to let the stars have their way
my universe expands to fill my ego with demands
so cold
it’s absolute zero

sometime i don’t know why
i try to love again
what starts in lovely bloom just withers in the end