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live with coffee and wine in an apartment_ [free download]

by dKOTA

/
1.
"sitting on my foot is weird"
2.
heaven from here [08_15_ 2015] tonight this lovely night everything is just right here except your eyes to make it bright do you miss my jokes? like i miss your hopes in every smile that you gave but i cannot swim in the sea of your change and your storm of fear that blows in my past rains so when you’re all strong and your winds are calm will you love again to wipe your tears? because I can see heaven from here right? or was i wrong? to end it all now With a hopeful wish in a hopeless song i’m sorry, dear i didn’t try for tears, no but i’ve got them too just like you so don’t look back now or regret a single thing your love for me made my frail heart sing and when you’re all strong and your winds are all calm will you love again to wipe your tears? because i can see heaven from here i’ll head on my way where the nights last all day and the moon arrives to fill my glass of wine again there’s nothing to say when i know you’re okay and that you’ll shine to make the world a better place turn darkness to light with love on your side you’re beautiful now no matter who let’s you go
3.
something from nothing [july 2015] save a little place left in your heart to feel something learn to let it go and watch it all fade away just because it’s gone doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something the devil never steals from a poor lie anyway there’s not a lot of blood left in a heart that feels nothing there’s not enough time to worry anyway the sorrow and the pain conspire to make you run from the love that’s left that’ll make you stay stitches up and down to keep what’s found and a promise that it’ll be alright and you have a say in what you want to take away a glimmer in your eye it’s pure gold for fools to melt a love that’s never sold for change or given away save a little place left in your heart to feel something for a little love that’s left to make you stay
4.
snowcastles 03:33
snowcastles [11_30_13] so maybe you can walk me home tonight i’m a little cold now and i can’t put up a fight because i know you’re the one to be here by my side when nobody is around to show me how to move along and smile because i know that you’re the one for me when you sing a song among the rain and breeze oh, nobody can compare to the light in your eyes it’s the fire in your stare to melt my heart into your lullabies i know that i can find my way home to start again so long as you take my hand and help me sing along so baby will you walk me home tonight i’m a little cold now and i can’t put up a fight because i know you’re the one to be here by my side when nobody is around to show me how to move along and smile
5.
Big [for Avery] [08_02_08] When you want to be big like me and strong like you think i am i’ll be the one to show you how to use all your love and lift up the world with one hand because i know you’ll show me one day that you’re bigger than i’ll ever be and i know you’ll show the world why it’s got to believe and i know the mountains and the sky will give you everything you need ...because you’re a star when i’m not big like you or strong like i think i am will you be the one i need to remind me how to use all my love somehow because i know i’ll need a little help from your hands when i’ve fallen down and i know you’ll show me someday that i’ve got to believe
6.
beauty when she cries [08_27_10] she’s beauty when she cries like a rainstorm in july to wash away the fire of a hurtful day i just can’t deny those looks within her eyes when she’s put herself out there on the line so i just want to be the one that she can see when the world has left her blinded in the dark even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes her sunshine tears make me try again she’s beauty when she cries like the sun’s lonely goodnight to lead the way for the hopes of another day i just can’t deny the love within her eyes when she shows up with no words left to say so i just want to be the one that she can see when the world has left her blinded in the dark even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes her sunshine tears make me try again she makes me want to try again oh, don’t let her down she’s beauty when she cries like an angel’s broken sigh too light to fall and ever hit the ground i just can’t deny that heaven in her eyes when the clouds open to make it seems all right it’s beauty when she starts to smile
7.
in her silver dress [06_17_10] we can sail away lift our arms into the night with your crescent eye lazy like the distant morning light so speak to me from the shallow of your breath whisper dreams while you dance in your silver dress steady like a prayer frozen in time behind scared eyes frozen and alone your silhouette carves the night sky so speak to me from the shallow of your breath while you dance with my dreams in your silver dress so take me away and show me where the stars fall to the ground my wishes scattered around like loose change i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night so dark except for you we can drift away push off from the nearest star constellation lines drawn in our wake from afar so speak to me from the shallow of your breath while i slip between you and your silver dress so take me away and show where the stars fall to the ground my wishes scattered around like loose change i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night so dark yet so bright oh, dear i’m so cold please pick me up and take me in your beauty warms deep within my soul i’m alive
8.
alone, as we are [2012] the time is never right the time is never right to let things go let things go and give up the fight there is no wrong or right no one cares how you live until you die we can never own we can never own anything we believe what we believe until we’ve had to risk it all to survive it’s the tears we cry to feel alive so then why do we cry when we die? we are all alone we are all alone to fight ourselves find ourselves in the night where we hide daylight brings shadows hope just lifts us up to let us down so why do i cry to feel alive? moments pass along breathing clouds and the rain singing songs in the pain to show us what we’ve gained we can never know we can never know what we can’t control what we control is what we believe to survive
9.
no weather for the tired [05_01_10] would you like to sing another song for me dear because I can’t hear my own voice it’s drowned out by every prayer to the one that only answers with noise so all I can do is wait around for the rain and pray that it can wash away pain ‘cause all i can see are the fields of yesterday’s refrain would you like to stay another night with me dear ‘cause i’ve got no one but the moon her sole watchful eye paints the valleys below with the dust of every hope for the muse so all i can do is lie around in thirsty shame and sip away minutes to daze ‘cause all I can see are the sins upon the walls trap souls in an impossible maze yet i don’t want to be the one to write down how it ends this ink ain’t that heavy with blood i’ll ride another night through the storm of my shame for you yet i’d rather die alone with my pen to forge the plan than to live by someone else’s hand so please bring the rain if that’s the weather that it takes to carve pride onto my grave would you like to sing another song for me dear because i can’t hear my own voice
10.
xanthous 02:58
xanthous [12_19_10] another room lets go of its light another child holds on, scared of the night oh, dreams through fragile eyes broken like shattered glass another room holds onto the night another child lets go of setting things right oh, all innocent and alone ghosts are the ones that know so sweet among the walls of fear oh, home to a heart that bleeds deaf to the noise outside blind to all the pain in sides form shapes to lock up damaged souls with the color of light darkness won’t let go
11.
if i could be [09_22_07] just another night all alone silent is the only mode on my phone i guess that’s alright sirens singing me lullabies when the city streets laugh it sounds like cries i guess that’s alright if i could be what you need tell me please and i’ll try to succeed and try to believe that i can make you smile, and laugh, and sing, and want to lie here and be with me now i won’t touch you i’ll just look at you and dream just another night to lie in my bed to dream about all those things that you said i guess i’m alright chords to play without a melody but would you even listen if i could sing? i guess i’m not alright if i could be what you need tell me please and i’ll try to believe that i can succeed to make you smile, and laugh, and sing, and want to lie here and be with me now i won’t touch you i’ll just look your way and dream if i could lie to you to get you to side with me believe in us and in me just tonight i’ll take you home and sing to you and be the song you never knew if i could be yours for just tonight i’d be fine i’d be fine
12.
mystery land 04:59
mystery land [autumn 2011] one day when i’m gone the ghosts will sing my haunted song to every soft and whispered lullaby the time it is so near the answers in mist so clear it washes every tear with acrid smiles so when i let it go tonight with the moon so low sunrise may never come in this dark and haunted mystery land where love is forever gone & cold so carry on like you do your happiness and love so true to every lie that sings in harmony i’ll fade away like you want a shadow only left to haunt to sing alone to dreams that never come so when i let it go tonight with the moon so low sunrise may never come in this dark and haunted mystery land where sidewalk never ends one day as a child we learn to love and chase desires such innocence so easy to beguile too down and tired to let it go too alone and scared to let you know too beaten down to ever show how hard i tried to find the light so dark and so right
13.
the sudden clamor of silence [08_26_11] where will i run? where will i hide when it’s time to look inside where is the love? where is the light without fear of what is right when everything is wrong it’s so quiet outside i hear everything where will i fall? where will i land without ground from which to stand when everything is all air it’s so quiet outside so loud from torn insides where will I fall when i run into the silence of all that I’ve loved and lost it’s a pretty violence of everything everywhere all i fear and all i hear it’s too much inside to let it out
14.
saved 04:35
Saved [11_10_09] it’s been too long since i tried it’s been so long since i felt alive side by side under the moon over night lights sing to me and you it’s your cue to run somewhere and hide a swallowed key locks scars of disbelief while i carve my silhouette into fake photographs bleeding out yesterday so do i let you sink down to the bottom and let you find for yourself that it’s rotten oh, how many times can i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep asleep, so sweet i promise i won’t let you down if you promise to try and stick around but i think there’s one thing that you should know that you can save yourself but still lose your soul so say goodnight, sweet child so i can cry all alone just turn around and run away towards that fake tomorrow light it’s as real and dim as today so do i let you sink down to the bottom and let you find for yourself that it’s rotten oh, how many times can i stand aside and watch you dive into the deep asleep, too deep to wake dear child
15.
for a friend 04:25
for a friend [04_27_08] just say that you love me even if you don’t so i can cry on your shoulder any time that i want and lie down next to your side to hear you breathe just pull me into you just let me say that i love you because i do i don’t cry or feel lonely when i’m lying next to you you smile but then walk away when i wish you would stay you kiss me but then you leave i’ll give you all that i have right now if you give me all of your love somehow but i know that you can’t give to me what you don’t have and so i’ll cry alone tonight just say that you love me even if you don’t
16.
the sorrow side of sundown [04_17_2013] so maybe when the sky turns to red the sorrow of the souls helps the dead sing awakened by the sound of shooting stars forgotten in the dust of racing cars alone the hours hang above like stones they’re silhouettes of broken bones melodies falling one by one the neighbor up above sends his rain a savior in a suit and bloody tie a favor from the fading crimson sky a runaway child from a broken home of father’s pain the minutes swam around like bees stinging hearts collapsing knees sending prayers to the fading crimson sun cleaver tears knock pinholes in the sky as colors drown stones fall with a sigh time and space forever race equations come undone that’s the rhyme no one can outrun
17.
our analog technology [01_21_14] another reason to let go of all that’s lost another mystery another history fades into the sea to sing alone another sunken ship of dreams to dock the shore another field of mines another broken rhyme we never need to learn to sing again oh, when am I the one? when am i the one to reach out? when am i the one to save the night? forever lost and found three stones out from the sun forever analog forever blinding fog among these corporal seas of flesh and bone our mother programs every step we take ashore forever digital our father sells the code of chance to lucky souls oh, let’s roll the dice when are we the ones? when are we the ones to break out? when are we the ones to face the fight? when are we the ones to risk what’s right?
18.
will you? 04:29
will you? [08_27_10] will you love me as i am? and take me here and now? and show me what it means to share this time alone with you to fill this empty room and dream away the day for the night i’m sorry that i’m scared but i’m still wounded from love will you let me sing a song? and let me be the one? i don’t want to die here all alone i know I’m a little strange a ghost to all the rest but i hope you can love me all the same because i’m not a afraid to love just afraid to lose but I know I’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you so i’m sorry that i’m scared but i’m still wounded from love will you love me as i am? and take me by my hand? will you? because I’m not afraid to love just afraid to lose but i know i’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you so will you take me here and now? though I’m different from the rest but i hope that you can love me for it and help me be my best for that i’ll love you as you are and help you be your best i will... will you?
19.
20.
the dark matter [04.28.15] believe in yourself now breathe in and out like they ask because you’re not happy anymore or crying anymore you’re just numb to the sun forever burned try to do your best now bleed it all out like they want because you’re not like them anymore or frightened anymore you’re just fine no longer mine forever blind believe in what they show you every time breathe like they do forget all that you knew it was never true so trust in what they say they’ll feed you smiles so long as you stay they’ll live to let you die believe in yourself now
21.
the dark energy 09_02_2015] sometimes i don’t know why i try to love again what starts in lovely bloom just withers in the end i wish that i could purge this faulty human flesh inside a heart that beats alone is emotional genocide so let it go all that i have tried there’s no hope that i can survive without a love to hold by my side it’s okay to let the stars have their way always the one to choose the lonely path ahead never the one to show for what was never said this harbinger of self loathing in disguise an antidote for love manipulated to deprive everyone that’s let me walk inside oh, how could i be so terrified of a love to hold by my side it’s okay to let the stars have their way my universe expands to fill my ego with demands so cold it’s absolute zero sometimes i don’t know why i try to love again what starts in lovely bloom just withers in the end

about

the album is a FREE download when you click the first "Buy Now" above / you're welcome to kick any change towards the project if you're so inclined - from the sound of it, i could use some new strings...

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this project was recorded live in my apartment kitchen over the rainy winter months in Portland, Oregon, 2016 // its low-fi approach was intended to capture the raw intimacy of the songs and performance, thereby embracing the imperfections that are increasingly deleted in modern music / i played whatever songs i felt like playing at the moment, and included both old and new material // there were no rehearsals and no overdubs, and the production was kept to a minimum (which, for better or worse, at times included squeaking chairs, traffic, a stray note, or a lazily-tuned guitar) / and so, naturally, there are mistakes on these recordings / but i don't relate to straight lines and polished surfaces -- that's not an existential reality / rather, this project was about connecting with the listener on the uneven, imperfect planes that outline both the ugliness and the beauty we experience / this is where i feel we find happiness: in the risk to embrace imperfection / i can only hope i succeeded in such communication / if at the very least, i had a wonderful experience trying_

you can find more info at dkotamusic.com, as well as some videos from these sessions_

enjoy and thank you for listening!

*lyrics are found on the individual track pages_

credits

released April 7, 2016

credits >> recorded and produced by Dustin Johnsen using the premier professional equipment of a $99 direct-to-USB condenser microphone, the iPhone voice memo app, and Apple's bundled Garageband software // the wine was often natural and delicious, and the coffee, while also natural and delicious, was often locally-roasted and hot / the random self-speaking was spontaneous and often ridiculous_

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dKOTA Portland, Oregon

dKOTA explores expansiveness, dynamics, unexpected progressions, and heartfelt lyrical expression. The project is lead by songwriter and vocalist, Dustin Johnsen. Dustin’s songwriting layers an amalgam of sonic textures, dissonance and resolve, and intentional rough edges. ... more

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