the self​-​dyssimilar

by dKOTA

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(free) 04:38
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(free) 06:09
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(free) 04:14
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about

***download includes audio, digital lyric book, picture book, and smartphone & computer wallpaper_

credits

released 27 April 2012

dKOTA is dustin johnsen, calon russell, matthew neff,
kalon pilmanis, and mary burger //
acoustic and electric guitars, keys, and vocals << dustin johnsen /
bass guitar << calon russell /
lead electric guitars << matthew neff /
drums << kalon pilmanis /
cello << mary burger_

songs and lyrics << dustin johnsen /
except ‘in her silver dress’ << dustin johnsen and matthew neff_

cello arrangements for ‘a shivvver too deep’ and ‘will you?’ << dustin johnsen /
cello arrangement for ‘alone, as we are’ << mary burger and dustin johnsen_

production << nalin silva and dustin johnsen
engineering and mixing << nalin silva at revolver studios / portland, oregon / january > april 2012 //
mastering << mike nolte at eureka mastering / april 2012 / kansas city, ks //
album design, artwork, photos, videos, and editing << dustin johnsen //
additional live performance photography and videography << amy rollo / as well as katie moksnes and jesse lee_

copyright dKOTA // Dustin Johnsen Publishing 2012 // ASCAP

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about

dKOTA Portland, Oregon

dKOTA is multi-genre music from Portland, Oregon. It is a project lead by songwriter and vocalist, Dustin Johnsen, featuring additional songwriting and performing talents from Matthew Neff, Calon Russell, Kalon Pilmanis, and Mary Burger. dKOTA fuses a variety of genres into an amalgam of sonic textures, dynamics, and intentional rough edges. ... more

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Track Name: xanthous
xanthous [12_19_10]

another room lets go of its light
another child holds on
scared of the night
dreams through fragile eyes
broken like shattered glass

another room holds onto the night
another child lets go of setting things right
innocent and alone
ghosts are the ones that know

so sweet among the walls of fear
home to a heart that bleeds
deaf to all the noise outside
blind to all the pain in sides
form shapes to lock up damaged souls
with the color of light darkness won’t let go
Track Name: a shivvver too deep
a shivvver too deep [11_01_06]

here comes that feeling again
i know it all too well i’ve been there before
like cutting glass-made silhouettes with your teeth
the empty body here that used to be me

and i bleed a burgundy wine
another glass and you’ll be feeling just fine

a long black hallway where i whisper to death
she whispers gently and then sends me to rest
i’m sleeping soundly in this heaven or hell
they’re each so lonely i don’t think i can tell

and yet you want me inside
to be my lovely arctic shine

your love is ice to melt my shivers away
a breath of moonlight to brighten my day
i fracture deeply into you

bleeding wine
the taste of your love
the color of a weeping sun

your love is ice to melt my shivers away
like cutting glass-made silhouettes with your teeth
the empty body here that used to me

stars are painted up above you and i
like fallen angels decorating the sky
Track Name: in her silver dress
in her silver dress [06_17_10]

we can sail away
lift our arms into the night
with your crescent eye
lazy like the distant morning light

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
whisper dreams while you dance in your silver dress

steady like a prayer
frozen in time behind scared eyes
frozen and alone
your silhouette carves out the night sky

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
while you dance with my dreams in your silver dress

so take me away
and show me where the stars fall to the ground
my wishes scattered around like loose change
i want to sail to the edge and look down into the night
so dark
except for you

we can drift away
push ourselves off from the nearest star
constellation lines
drawn in our wake from afar

so speak to me from the shallow of your breath
while i slip between you and your silver dress

oh, dear
i’m so cold
pick me up and take me in
your beauty warms me deep within my soul
i’m alive
i’m alive
Track Name: beauty when she cries
beauty when she cries [08_27_10]

she’s beauty when she cries
like a rainstorm in july
to wash away the fire of a hurtful day
i just can’t deny those looks within her eyes
when she’s put herself out there on the line

i just want to be the one that she can see
when the world has left her blinded in the dark
and even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes
her sunshine tears make me try again

she’s beauty when she cries
like the sun’s lonely goodnight
to lead the way for the hopes of another day
i just can’t deny that love within her eyes
when she shows up with no words left to say

so i just want to see the one that she can be
when the world has left her blinded in the dark
and even if it’s me that’s weakening those eyes
her sunshine tears make me try again
she makes me want to try again

don’t let her down
don’t let her down
don’t let her down again

she’s beauty when she cries
like an angel’s broken sigh
too light to fall and ever hit the ground
i just can’t deny that heaven in her eyes
when the clouds open to make it seem all right
it’s beauty when she starts to smile
Track Name: if i could be
if i could be [09_22_07]

just another night all alone
silent is the only mode on my phone
i guess that’s alright
sirens singing me lullabies
when the city streets laugh they sound like cries
i guess that’s alright

if i could be what you need
tell me please and i’ll try to succeed
that i can believe
that i can make you smile, and laugh, and sing
and want to lie with me now
i won’t touch you
i’ll just look at you and dream

just another night to lie in my bed
to dream about all those things that you said
i guess i’m alright
chords to play without a melody
but would you even listen if i could sing?
i guess i’m not alright

if i could be what you need
tell me please and i’ll try to believe
that i can succeed
to make you smile, and laugh, and sing
and want to lie here and be with me now
i won’t touch you
i’ll just look your way and dream

if i could lie to you
to get you to side with me
believe in us and in me just tonight
i’d take you home and sing to you
and be the song you never knew
if i could be yours for just tonight
i’d be fine
Track Name: will you?
will you? [08_27_10]

will you love me as i am?
take me here and now
and show me what it means to share?
this time alone with you
to fill this empty room
and dream away the day for the night

i’m sorry that I’m scared
but i’m still wounded from love

will you let me sing a song?
and let me be the one?
i don’t want to die here all alone
i know i’m a little strange
a ghost to all the rest
but i hope that you can love me all the same

because i’m not a afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but i know i’ll lose your love if i don’t risk it all for you
so i’m sorry that i’m scared
but i’m still wounded from love

will you love me as i am?
and take me by my hand?
will you?

because I’m not afraid to love
just afraid to lose
but I know I’ll lose your love
if I don’t risk it all for you
so will you take me here and now?
though I’m different from the rest
but I hope that you can love me for it
and help me be my best
for that I’ll love you as you are
and help you be your best
i will...
will you?
Track Name: saved
saved [11_10_09]

it’s been too long since I tried
it’s been so long since I felt alive
side by side under the moon
above night lights
sing to me and you
it’s your cue to run somewhere and hide
a swallowed key locks scars of disbelief
while i carve my silhouette into fake photographs
bleeding out yesterday

so do i let you sink down to the bottom
to find for yourself that it’s rotten
how many times do i stand aside
and watch you dive into the deep
asleep but so sweet

i promise i won’t let you down
if you promise to try and stick around
but i think there’s just one thing that you should know
that you can save yourself but still lose your soul
so say goodnight, sweet child
so i can cry all alone
just turn around and walk away
towards that fake tomorrow light
it’s as real as today

so do i let you sink down to the bottom
to find for yourself that it’s rotten
how many times do i stand aside
and watch you dive into the deep
asleep but too deep to wake
dear child
Track Name: no weather for the tired
no weather for the tired [05_01_10]

would you like to sing another song for me dear?
‘cause i can’t hear my own voice
it’s drowned out by every prayer to the one
that answers only with noise
so all i can do is wait around for the rain
and pray that it can wash away pain
‘cause all i can see are the fields of yesterday’s refrain

would you like to stay another night with me dear?
‘cause i’ve got no one but the moon
her sole watchful eye paints the valleys below
with the dust of every hope for the muse

so all i can do is lie around in thirsty shame
and sip away minutes to daze
and all i can see are the sins upon the walls
trap souls in an impossible maze

yet i don’t want to be the one to write down how it ends
this ink ain’t that heavy with blood
so i’ll ride another night through the storm of my shame
for you

yet i’d rather die alone with my pen to forge the plan
than to live my life by someone else’s hand
so please bring the rain if that’s the weather that it takes
to carve pride onto my grave

would you like to sing another song for me dear?
because I can’t hear my own voice
Track Name: a cold kiss goodnight
a cold kiss goodnight [05_18_09]

maybe it’s time for me to head on my way
because the way you look at me is more than i can say
but i’m not here to tell you where you think i am
i’m just here to leave
and i’ll tell you again...

that i’ll walk all over you
i’ll walk all over you
maybe tonight you think that i’ll be the one
but baby tonight i’m alone
and that’s the way that i want this song

you may be the love the set things on fire
because the way you kiss my lips
oh, sweet desire
but your love’s not a note that this song can sing
i’m just warning you
and i want you to see...

that i’ll walk all over you
and i’ll walk all over you
maybe tonight you think that the war is won
but baby tonight you’ve lost
and you’ll see it with the sun, alright

please let me go
because a cold kiss hello is how i say goodnight
baby, i’m not the one

so sleep well, my dear
and dream it up again
Track Name: alone, as we are
alone, as we are [10_21_11]

the time is never right
the time is never right to let things go
let things go and give up the fight
there is no right or wrong

no one cares how you live until you die

we can never own
we can never own anything we believe
until we’d had to risk it all to survive

it’s the tears we cry to feel alive
so why do we cry when we die?

we are all alone
we are all alone to fight ourselves
to find ourselves in the night
daylight brings shadows

hope just lifts us up to let us down
so why do i try to feel alive?

moments pass along
breathing clouds and the rain
singing songs in the pain
to show us what we’ve gained

we can never know
we can never know what we can’t control
what we control is what we believe to survive
Track Name: the sudden clamor of silence
the sudden clamor of silence [08_26_11]

where will i run
where will i hide
when it’s time to look inside

where is the love
where is the light
without fear of what is right
when everything is all wrong

it’s so quiet outside
i hear everything

where will i fall
where will i land
without ground from which to stand
when everything is all air

it’s so quiet outside
so loud from torn insides

where will i fall when i run into the silence
of all that i’ve loved and lost
it’s a pretty violence
of everything
everywhere
all i fear
and all i hear
it’s too much inside
to let it out
let it out